Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
