so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He better not be in your backpack
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
