life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
