Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
then he tried to convert me to islam
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
