Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
