sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
