I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
