i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
