I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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