I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
