I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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