I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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