There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
