omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
