hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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