Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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