Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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