u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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