Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
vagina is talking i cant
Dignity is for republicans.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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