we're chasing vodka with high fives
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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