i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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