there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
