I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
