Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
