2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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