i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
