All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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