Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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