I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just pee around me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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