Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're a waste of cheezeits
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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