sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
