This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
