Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
