I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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