Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Drunk is not a location!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
