I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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