Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
