Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
