I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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