I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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