last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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