new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
