I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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