There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
