That's intense
i permit you to call me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
