He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
