i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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