i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
