Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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