omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
