3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
