When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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