So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
