I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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