how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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