he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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